topics of some frustration.more or less.but i aint complaing. much.

Assalamu aleikum

Cultural differences

Marriage

Inlaws

Parents  

Moving

 Argh.

Here are some issues I really DON’T want to talk about. But since I’m brappy like that I will anyway. Big weddings are a joke. Around the world people are spending thousands and thousands of bugs/euros/quids/insert own currency on an event where a)everyone mostly feels dead uncomfortable and b) something ALWAYS goes wrong. But the biggest joke is; the wedding only lasts for ONE day! (ok ok, with the exception of certain cultures) So why invest a huge amoung of dough into something that a) no one else is going to remember except for you and your husband (and your credit card company). Your memories are not going to be very happy since all you remember is money that went totally down the drain. b) is not really the point? The thing is, it’s not the walima that matters, it’s the next 30/40 odd years that are gonna sting a bit. I once saw this American couple on tv (back in the day when I still wasted my time in watching the brainmelter) saying that ” we had the choice of either having a huge wedding or buying a house, we decided to go for the wedding, because it’s a special  day for us.” (or either, this is what the wife said. The husband, for one reason or another didn’t look at all so happy with the decision.)  

Money Down the Drainthe way, as we are muslims, there is no sense in flushing our money down the drain; if you want a big wedding, why not have it in the masjid? They’re usually inexpensive (even free) and there’ s a lot more baraqa there than in any hilton out there. Also, as Baba Ali said in one of his vblogs; just think of the ajr you’ll get for bringing the people to pray jamaat in the masjid!  

 Inlaws, those nature’s little wonders that are so easily obtained thru marriage and so painfully endured for the rest of ones life, are God’s way of reminding you that although you can indeed (to an extent) choose your friends, you really can’t choose your relatives. Unless you do like my sister, who only picks out guys who have totally cool families, unfortunately, she has found, some of those guys have not been so cool at all (yes she’s a non-muslim, till now, duas are requested on her behalf). The other extreme is of course a situation where you marry your heart’s beloved and end up sharing the house with the most horrible group of people you’ve ever met in your life; and you can’t even tell them to piss off since it’s actually THEIR house, they’re actually taking care of YOUR children and your husband would never have it any other way since- “ mummy always comes first.”  

Inlaws Different

When the situation gets too much you can, nevertheless, breathe easy since at least you still have your home to go back to. Unless… You have urban non-muslim parents who think you should, by now, be able to handle your own life and anyway your situation is YOUR fault since YOUR the one who became a muslim and married that abuhassanahlanwasahlanwhatshisname. Of course this does not necessarily mean they’re abandonning you, it is true that kids these days are clinging on their folks for way longer than they should ( Meaning their parents pay for their living even though they’re living out of home. Often they’re not given due respect nor shown due graditude. Instead they are demanded to understand every single stupid mishap of their children as being  “a youthful experiment)

So in fact i say :

power to the parents

    Abuhassanahlanwasahlanwhatshisnames usually have an annoying tendency to stick about even when they’re no longer needed. So in the best case you have to a) move out yourself or b) move them out. Either way it’s a drag. Of course you can always burn all the stuff, knock AHAWSWHN (Abuhassanahlanwasahlanwhatshisname’s abberviation) unconcious and put the matches in his hand and run away real quick.  

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Of course this all comes down to the blogger’s cow inna ditch ( a great translation of a Finnish proverb). Fph (huture prospective husband) kindly informed her that there are about 200 people coming to her walima. Her inlaws are absolutely great and her parents rock the moving  is a bit of a bummer but mostly beacause the blogger has noticed how much useless stuff useless ppl store in their useless homes. is a bit of a bummer but mostly beacause the blogger has noticed how much useless stuff useless ppl store in their useless homes.  

hirsimökkiam i the only one to whom this actually seems like a really good idea?

Another great idea.

Assalamu aleikum,

So i’m a moderator on a forum about islam. I’m not going to say “islamic forum” because most of the time these pages are to islam what politics is to intelligence. This forum promotes the traditional, madhabiya islam as opposed to the saudi version we seem to be getting from most of the other sources in Finland. (due to them having all the cash. oil does that to people.)

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Living in a country where there is no ulama can be a a drag sometimes, everyone who has read fiqqus sunna thinks they’re a big scholar and thus have the ability to tell the others how the things are. Basically what you get is a bunch of ignorant people debating on whose the most ignorant

 

وَعِبَادُ الرَّحْمَنِ الَّذِينَ يَمْشُونَ عَلَى الْأَرْضِ هَوْنًا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ الْجَاهِلُونَقَالُوا سَلَامًا

25:63 ) For, [true] servants of the Most Gracious are [only] they who walk gently on earth, and who, whenever the foolish address them, [50] reply with [words of] peace

 The Prophet (sallallaahu aleihi wa sallam) forbade his (SAAS) companions from debating about religion. He said(more or less) they should not beat one verse of the Quran with another. And these were the Sahaba, radhiallaahu anhum, of whom the one posessing the least knowledge posessed much more knowledge (MUCH more) than the most knowledgeable of us. So how come do we see it as our birthright to debate, argue, slander and in the worst case takfeer the people around us, who have different views?

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To debate with the foolish, in this context does not simply mean the people who have no knowledge and are ignorant, but also those who have proper knowledge but fail to use it correctly. It’s an unhappy phenommenon, that often the people who actually can quote a bunch of hadiths from the top of their heads, know how to read Quran in arabic and know a lot about islamic history (not that their views are always unbiased. ehem. but it’s impressive when ppl learn stuff by heart nevertheless), often have the worst manners.

 The Prophet (sallallaahu aleihi wa sallam) said : The best among you is the one with the best manners. Instead we have people who won’t buy meat from the local halal shop because it’s owned by shias (although they don’t even  slaughter the meat), they cannot eat the food cooked by one of our glorious “ahlul bidaas”, so they rather eat the non-halal meat from the local supermarket, since at least that’s meat slaughtered by the ahlul kitaab.

No. That wasn’t a joke. That seriously happens.

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 Of course the example is somewhat extreme, but it just goes to show how divided the ummah actually is. Now I’m not going to go to what’s my opinion of the shia’s. However,discluding most of the muslims and most of the muslim scholars outside the fold of islam is just… what’s the word… ummm… oh yeah.

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Alhamdulillaah the Finns never were too much into extremism so most of the people grown out of this sort of approach eventually. The unfortunate thing is, that when that does happen, they have already severed the ties of sister/brotherhood by takfeering all over the place. Some of my friends (former salafis) thought of starting an SA-group (salafis anonymous, like an AA group for people who are hooked on bessewisserness). I personally think the idea rocks. There could be for example the following steps:

 1) Exept that you know nothing. What ever you THOUGHT you know of religion, was, not necessarily wrong, but with the wrong attitude

2) Lose the attitude, a mu’min should think of himself as the worst of the worst. A person with even a mustard seeds weight of pride in their heart will not enter Jannah.

3) Learn how to do dhikr. Try saying ALLAAH. (we’re not christians, so we’re actually allowed to pronounce the name of our Lord, the most high, and no, it’s not shirk. to worship Allah cannot be. no. it really cant.)

4) Visit a graveyard. Tawassul is NOT haram, actually.

 5) Look at your own hands. Think clearly for a moment and ask yourself, do I really believe Allah’s Hands could be like these? If you still think so, bang your head to the wall a couple of times. That should clear your head aight.

6) Try a tasbih. Seriously, it’s so much for fun to do dhikr when you can concentrate in what you say instead of counting the times.

 7) Read Fadhail A’mal. It’s actually a very good book.

Ok, i know there are only 7 steps so far, I’ll invent more for next time. However it aint wise to bite bigger than what you cant chew at once… Of course these are excellent reminders for all the rest of us too. A muslim rehab clinic actually could be a good idea.

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” High on dunya? – Get High on most High; love Allah! start your recovery today!”

love <3

Assalamu aleikum,

love sucks

Love.

For the love of God. Shut the fudge up before you start. Right?

But since I never listen to you i ain’t gonna.

I’ve said this before (but since I really enjoy self-repetition cos my sayings are gorgeous like that I’ll say it again) : I don’t get women.

I got a few friends who are in rather brappy situations with their hubbies. I mean seriously big time brappy, the rather just makes me sound more civilized. They stick to these dead-end-relationships with these dead-end-men because they “love them” and the men, the brappy beings who make my friends lives misery, “love them too”.

These people are completely lost with what love really means. And since I know how the things are and like tellin it to others, here’s some hints.

HOW TO KNOW WHEN  SOMEONE DOES NOT LOVE YOU

1) when you spouse cheats on you or does the “islamicized” version of cheating where he takes another wife behind your back, he probably does not love you. Now I say probably, since he will SAY he loves you, but he only does so because he does not know his semantics.

2) when your spouse tells you stuff like “you’re an ugly old cow, no one’s gonna marry you after me” or “your strechmarks make me sick”, he probaby doesn’t love you. Now i’m saying probably since even if he thinks he does, it just ain’t worth it with a brap like that

3) in section 2) we deal with emotional violence, and from the section 3) physical violence, is only a step away. I had this friend whose bf was verbally abusive, she kept saying “yeah he says that stuff but at least he doesn’t beat me.” right up until one day she called me after having her face beat in. .. …. yeah.

4) when your spouse tells you he wants a place of his own, it’s not like he wants to divorce you, he still wants to stay married but just to have some time of his own he wants a flat, he probably doesn’t love you anymore. Yeah. Tough that one. But once you’ve been married for years ain’t it kinda silly to go back into dating? Who ever told you a marriage should be fun??

5) when your spouse spends more time online than with you he probably doesn’t love you. Or he hasn’t realized you are there. Depending on the speed of your connection though, you can always check by logging into Runescape yourself. Yes. I know what it is. I’m old, not ancient.

There are many more such subtle little sings, whereby you will probably be able to interpret wether your spouse loves you or not.

There are two kinds of love. The first kind is the Hollywood-icky kinda love that we all know to be rubbish. We all know, perfect people do not exsist. Even the sorta bareable ones are hard to come by. Unfortuantely while we completely acknowledge this on a sensible level, our female brain still keeps thinkin that in order to achieve happiness in a marriage you really must be all Disney about it.

The other kind of love is love for the sake of Allah. Where you really marry for the sake of fulfilling that half of your deen, and stay married because you both are equally eager to gain closeness to Allah. Of course this is the right way and the only way, since all kind of other “love” cannot really  be called love at all and is only a chemical malfunction in your brain.

A sister was worried that if she’d divorce he idiot of a husband who is guilty of commiting the number 1) in the list above, would she ever be able to love anyone again. There’s Disney thinking for you folks.

toiletseat_princess

(let’s flush the princess ideologies)

Have you noticed btw, that when the Disney couples live happily ever after it’s only due to the fact that a) they get married b) they are extremely mongamious about it? I mean… Snow White’s prince found a dead chick living with a buncha vertically limited dudes but he never asked for a second wife. The prince who married the Princess Aurora was like a 100 years younger than her but he didn’t complain now did he? Prince Eric was never bothered by the fact that his wife was half fish.

These days people seem to:

a) fall in love, date, move in together, live together for years, get in engaged stay engaged for years (best of all is when they have kids before even being engaged) and then when they finally (since they’re too bored with their lives to do anything else) get married they divorce in a week because their lives did not magically transform after all

b) fall in love, face the fact that the dude wasn’t all that, fall in love again with someone else (and the cycle goes on and on, each of the blokes always being mr.right- at the time.)

c) get cynical, say things like “i dont believe in love” but secretly fantasize of the knight in a shiny armour who will come and rescue them of their distress

dont fall in love

very few do d) which is; find a nice person you can like. if there are no great sparks flying up in the air when you meet him, it doesn’t matter. the important thing is he’s commited and you’re commited to endure each other till death do you appart. What ever feelings you then share are for the sake of Allah. Surprisingly love, even the Disney kind, comes after niqah. It is a blessing from Allah for you since you did what you did for the right reasons (i.e. for the sake of your Rabb)

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“bitter single mum”-syndrome

Assalamu aleikum

A year and a marriage later the bitter single mum is at it again. She did swear she’d stop complaining and get over her obsession with… well. Marriage.

The bitter single mum had a religious break through some time ago, and realized a fraction of the truth. Unfortunately then she got married, and being completely unsuccesful in all her personal relationships, ended up divorcing again.

Why is it that us women think “i need a ring around my finger to make me feel complete” (and if you know where the quote’s from you suck as much as I do) ? I have finally figured out the answer. It is this: we do. It’s all this feminist nonsense messing with our pathetic minds that makes us think we don’t need men. We are fully capable of taking out our own garbage and it’s not like we don’t know how to lie on the couch scratchin our bellies while watching arab league.

The thing is… The thing is this: Ever watched a romantic comedy? Or read a stupid romantic novel? (if you have, shame on you. And on your mum for letting you waste your time in such junk) They usually start out with the female character being extremely independent, then the slimeball of  a perfect man comes along and the chicka who a moment earlier had EVERYTHING under control falls into this vegetative state of inloveness. Eww. Disgusting.

I was at a bookshop with a friend who’s only 18 and has not yet fully understood the cruel relaties of humand relationships, thus she still thinks womem CAN be emotionally independent. She talked about the above mentioned matter and was quite surprised when I said that yeah, I AM equally disgusted. The thing is babz, that the reason why I find those trashy novels disgusting is that they DO resemble the truth. And I like to read fiction.

And it’s not just romantic novels, it’s pretty much ALL novels with a woman in them.

Now the bitter single mum realizes that people were indeed created as pairs. That’s why she’s constantly on a search for a target of obsession. Although she HAS understood by now (as she’s not a compelete idiot, although her iq is pretty much like that of a spongecake. hmmm..cake.)  that there is no such thing as a perfect man, her search for a partner has not yet siezed and yes, she still maintains her demands high. Oh. very high.

Don’t you just wanna give her a good slap around the ears and say “OMAN! wake up! U’s not youn and pretty no more!” I do. In fact I’ve tried, many times, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. The bitter single mum in me won’t die out. And in many ways she makes me what I am. The rational me, the feminist itch, hates her guts for being such a whining little thing, but can’t help agreeing with her for the most part.

The bitter single mum needs someone to make her less bitter, and the rational feminist itch has finally admitted to her self that paying bills and worrying over your son’s islamic education is no fun.

The bitter single mum and the rational itchy thing have united their forces. Unfortunately after forming this magnificent alliance they realized(being a bit slow, but dude, they’re parts of MY spilt personality so don’t be too hard on ’em)  that they live in the middle-of-nowhere land.

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And yes that creates some problems. It’s not that the new union of annoying women have a LONG list of attritbutes, but dude, this is the middle-of-nowhere land. Listing down “male and intelligent” is too much here (though that might just be too much everywhere) even if you don’t add the rest.

The bitter single mum is at it again. Ready to pour her bitterness over her friends and pretty much anyone who she ties to a chair and forces to listen to her complaints of how the world is.

The rational itch understands that everything comes from Allah and you should just make sabr.

I’m in the middle of all this, horribly confused.

Confused

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A recepie for ummah

Assalamu aleikum

Here’s how to make up  an ummah from scartch:

1) take a remotely located country  (i.e something like siberia, small pacific island etc.)

2) take a handful of muslim-by-origin- folks (preferably asylum seekers, if you can find some with crooked motives they add a nice flavour of their own) . This works best if done at the time of a major recession when the natives od middle-of-nowhere-land are all losing their jobs.

3) Stir until some of the muslims disolve (assimilate )while others, despite the hard stirring and remain al-dente. let simmer for about six years; reduce heat.

4) throw in a few converts (preferably young hijabis married to foreigners who scarecly practice themselves), a book of sahih bukhari and as much of insta-scholar syndrome as you want. Let simmer for another six years.

5) Your ummah is almost done now, but still needs a few more finishing touches. Remove some of the converts (they all made hijra to… umm turkey and algeria) and add a few more born-muslims (by this time you’ll be having the second-generation immigrants as well (the ones who only speak the middle-of-nowhere-countries language, but still say they’re refugees cos it makes em sound cool.yo.ehem.)

6) Add back the perviously removed converts (who soon came to their good senses and realized that the term muslim country does not necessarely mean that all the people will act islamically) and add a few new ones in (prepare for hard boiling at this point.) You will see a change in the born-muslims as well as some of them will revert after realizing that suckin up to the kaaffiruun never makes them respect you, you’re still the wrong colour etc.

7) Turn of heat and let thicken. You will see small groups of muslims sticking together, at this point it is wise to bring in the madhabs and  preferably some tabligh as well. If possible add in a shaykh or two, though this might be a bit difficult . (this being the glorious republic of middle-of-nowhere.)

8) Your ummah is now ready. The bitter aftertaste of salafis will soon fade away as the rest forget about their “back home” feuds and start co-operating.

Best, when served chilled. May contain traces of nuts.

First entry.

Assalamu aleikum

Another day another blog.  I had to move here from blogspot because mum was reading my blog and that just got a bit weird… plus the background’s cooler.

More stuff coming up soon inshaAllah:)

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